Dear Johnny,

How can someone so rich, good-looking, and with so much experience with women be so off base? I can see you really do need my help.

You say she lives eight hours away? How do you hope to monitor her Interest Level and attitude this way? You can't possibly observe her body language and mannerisms over a long period of time. Plus, over the phone and during the occasional visit, she can always be putting on her best act.

Another thing: how often does she fly into town? If she isn't traveling to your house 50% of the time, you're doing too much, too soon for her; she'll only end up taking you for granted, not respecting you, and eventually losing romantic interest in you. Physical distance, Johnny, is one of your biggest problems, but your spoiling her is even worse.

The most revealing bit of information, Johnny, is the conversation you had with her about settling down. First of all, she should have been the one bringing up the subject, not you. Second, when you have to argue with a woman to settle down, she hears a form of begging, which only lowers her Interest Level (The only exception is if you are a guy with a yacht!).

I don't mean to crush you, but women with high Interest Level don't want to go out with lots of other guys. The fact that you have to convince this girl to settle down, already shows that she has low Interest Level. Moreover, by mentioning how rich you are and that you spoil her, my guess is that you've probably tried to win her over with endless gifts (another form of begging). You can't buy Interest Level. Women do love gifts, and there is a time to give them, but if you constantly give her goodies while she gives nothing in return, she will end up thinking that you're a wimp trying to bribe her. My guess is that your girl contributes very little to the relationship.

Now, judging by how long she stayed with her macho ex-boyfriend, the girl you're chasing loves the outlaw type, not Wimpus Americanis. Why? Because, though he is abusive - the outlaw- unlike you, he presents her with a Challenge- albeit, a negative one. She loves Harley guys and you're a tricycle guy. She loves walking on the wild side, and you have no idea where to find it. Your competition, Mr. Outlaw, plays with her mind by being a Challenge, while you beg on your knees for her to take another trinket from Gucci.

What you don't get, Johnny, is that your girl should be wondering where she stands with you- but you never give her this opportunity. Instead you keep acting like a butler, catering to her every whim. I'll bet she wonders where she stands with Mr. Outlaw. You may consider this guy a complete loser - but she stayed with him for two years! Do you see how she prefers a negative Challenge to you? Now, what if you were a positive Challenge?

So, what should you do now? First, save yourself some trouble, and find someone closer to home. If you absolutely must give this girl a shot, ask her to do 50% of the traveling (this will reveal her Interest Level really fast!). Also, cut out the gift giving, and let her be the one to raise the issue of settling down again. In the meantime, don't stop dating other people. She hasn't stopped!

In your next relationship, look for a woman who likes you - first. Allow her to express her love for you by giving to you- first. Then, reciprocate in response. Like most guys, you rush the romantic process. Men have to learn to slow down. If you learn to do this, Johnny, the women will start to come to you. Besides looking at the woman's attitude, you've got to look at her track record in the race of love. Like a bookie who knows the history of a thoroughbred at Del Mar and says, She only wins on a dry track, you need to look at Miss Right's track record, and find out whether you are her type of guy or not. Otherwise, she will look at you like Man O' War facing a muddy track: no Interest Level. From now on, Johnny, forget your Interest Level, pick your women carefully, and learn to back off and be a challenge. Remember, the number one fact of life is, "She has to like you first", so save your love for those who appreciate you.

Guys, e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The "System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or call me at: (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past thirty years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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