Hi James,

Calm down. Acting like a nervous wreck on a date is more detrimental than not choosing the right restaurant. Relax. You are going to be OK because I will be coaching you, and my boys don't lose.

James, there is only one reason that you're going out with this woman: to raise her Interest Level high enough to get you to the second date. The problem is, most guys don't make the cut. Why not? Because they can't handle the woman's "You Had Better Give Me the Right Answers or No Second Date for You" quiz, or for short - the First Date Interview Test.

Yes, guys, all women view the first date as a job interview - with her playing the role of the almighty boss and you playing the lowly applicant. In her mind, the first date is your probationary period: one major infraction and you're history.

So, how do you handle the First Date Interview Test? By not doing what all the other love doctors recommend. They say you should talk about your feelings or blab all your sins to her like you would to a priest in the Confessional. The "experts" say running your mouth off will make her like you more by making you appear more "sensitive," but the Reality Factor says that her emotions respond to mystery in the beginning stages of the dating dance - not to a man seeking approval.

The real way to handle the woman's interrogation is to turn the tables on her and ask her questions. In other words, you will be the interviewer, instead of the interviewee.

Your goal is find out if Miss Right has a good attitude (made up of integrity, flexibility, and being a giver); so during the first date, get her to talk about herself. Get the conversation going by asking her about her likes and where she went to school. Avoid heavy and negative subjects at all costs. If her eyes light up over a subject, ask her more questions about it. The biggest complaint that women have about men is that they don't listen - well, here's her chance to encounter a man who is just the opposite. Why? Because he is very interested in her answers to his questions.

Most women reach a euphoric state when they talk about their favorite subject - themselves - but if a woman starts asking questions about you, answer her, and then gently turn the conversation back to the subject of her. Keep your answers brief, yet fun and light. You will tell the truth, but just the good parts. Just remember to get her to do most of the talking. After she loves you, tell her you are on welfare and live with your parents.

In answer to your original questions about the first date: dinner is good, but a movie is not (you spend too much time sitting in silence staring at a screen). Try a restaurant with a dance floor instead. Art galleries make for dull first dates. Clubs are good, but concerts should be reserved for those lucky angels who make it past three dates.

Get the weekend section of your newspaper for ideas on where to go for your first date. You can also go to Barnes and Noble to find books on fun and free places to go within your area. Believe it or not, you can even find good advice in the relationship section of the bookstore; but you must realize that 90% of those books are written by female love doctors (while most of the other 10% are written by what I wouldn't call the most masculine dudes), they do have that subject covered. Just remember my guidelines for first dates: keep it fun and light.

If you avoid submitting to the female interview and you don't spill your guts out; plus, you keep your conversation positive and uplifting, I guarantee that your Miss Right will be dying for you to call her for a second rendezvous. Remember the key to getting past the first date is to leave a little mystery for the second date.

Guys, e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The "System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or call me at: (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past thirty years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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