Hi Al,

First of all, I want to compliment you for putting your ego aside and writing your letter. Except for Country and Western singers, men find it difficult to admit ever being hoodwinked by a woman. Your story, Al, is yet another example of the most underreported crime in America: Marital Fraud.

The moment your wife mentioned her interest in another guy, Al, Déjà vu should have clobbered you over the head - after all, during her previous marriage, weren't you the "the other guy"? At the time, I'm sure you said to yourself, "She would never do the same thing to me." Now you know the truth.

It's great to be in love, Al, but not to the point that you overlook a woman's major flaws. You knew your wife was a disaster waiting to happen, but you ignored the ominous signs. I'm sorry she liked to throw up and hated to smile, but you are here on earth to be a lover, not a psychoanalyst. Well, look at the up side - you got the chance to play therapist for a while. The down side is: when this type of patient gets well, she ends up hating the doctor and skipping town.

Your wife is a Drifter - a woman bereft of integrity who floats from man to man, showing loyalty toward none. Some Drifters drift from date to date, others - from husband to husband, but the pattern is always the same: when a man no longer serves a Drifter's purposes, she sails away until she washes up on some other man's beach. Six years ago, Al, you were the lucky man - now it's time for some other guy to get lucky.

Al, it's true that, like many men with too much Interest Level, you didn't use the 'N' word ("No"). Instead, you let her get away with murder by agreeing to her outrageous requests (Al, when a woman says, "Please leave the house so I can decide whether I love you" it's Classic Womanese for "Adios, amigo!"). It's also true that your lack of backbone dissolved whatever crumbs of respect and Interest Level that your wife had for you. But short of drugging her with tranquilizers, there was nothing you could have done to prevent your wife from bailing; Drifters respect no rules and honor no commitments.

So, no, Al; your wife's never coming back - but you're better off without her. This woman was never fit for a relationship. I know you're suffering now, but you're on the road to recovery. By following The "System" from now on, your confidence and inner strength will return in time. I just feel sorry for the poor brats who have this woman for a mother.

Feministas always talk about men who victimize their wives, but never about the millions of men like Al who go through Hell every day after giving their hearts to unworthy women. On the female-run talk shows, all you see are Macho Boys who break their wives' hearts. But is every husband a rat? Aren't there some good men who are married to bad women?

Guys, marriage is tough, even under the best of circumstances (if you're single, tattoo this truth somewhere on your body!). When you go for Miss Psycho or Miss Unreliable, you will eventually pay the divorce lawyer, and then the psychotherapist - who will only tell you, "You should have given her more."

Al's situation shows the importance of determining a woman's attitude before you get deeply involved with her. All you men out there who don't think a woman's attitude is important need to be aware of the agony that awaits you.

Remember, guys: The "System" was designed to screen out losers before they get their hooks into your heart and wallet, and send you to Hell in a hand basket - so use it.

Guys, e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The "System" visit me at: www.doclove.com or call me at: (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past thirty years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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