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Hi Doc,

I am going through a nasty divorce, and you wouldn't believe how betrayed and discouraged I've felt for the past six months. But I've started to feel a bit more confident and optimistic lately, and I think I'm about ready to get out there and start dating again. Perhaps it would be good for me at this point. Who knows? I might even meet a real sweetheart.

But since I've been married for 13 years, and have been completely faithful the entire time, I have absolutely no clue as to how to date.

My single buddies tell me all kinds of horror stories about the singles scene, which are unbelievably discouraging. Are they exaggerating or is it really a jungle out there?

I am 33 years old and make serious money. Where do I start?

Francesco - who is out of practice

Advice for Single Guys from Success Coach - Doc Love

WOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTEN

Hi Francesco,

Sorry that you've had to go through what you've been going through with your divorce. In the last 30 years, all the psychotherapists and relationship experts haven't been able to make a dent in the divorce statistics. (50% of all marriages end in divorce, and two thirds of the time, it's the woman who files first.)

Regardless of the statistics, keep in mind Francesco, that divorce is hard on the woman too. I think we all need to have compassion for poor Nicole Kidman. Remember, she will miss getting half of Tom Cruises $250 million. Luckily he filed 3 days before the tenth year of their marriage (California recognizes 10 years as a long-term marriage - if each is to get half of the joint property.)

Francesco, the truth is: It is a jungle out there. And that jungle is inhabited by an infinite number of feminine creatures who will think nothing of misleading you, leading you on, stroking you and using you. Your buddies don't have to exaggerate to frighten you; the truth is disturbing enough. But fear not Francesco, because The "System" that I'll coach you about will be your guiding beacon through the darkness and deception.

Let's start with the basics. First of all, take the time to get into good physical shape. If you don't belong to a gym, join one. Ideally an upscale athletic club that has a high percentage of women in their twenties and thirties as members. Start working out regularly, even if you'd rather not. You'll look more attractive and you'll feel more confident. (When you're radiating vitality and fitness, you'll magnetize more babes.)

Once you're there, pumping up, don't stare at the girls in their tight leotards and don't come onto them with a lot of questions or comments. Just smile and say hi to the ones who smile at you, and every so often, casually ask one a question about her workout if it feels easy to do, (don't push). If she has any interest, she'll make you feel comfortable and will ask you questions.

Check your personal hygiene. Make sure that you always smell good and that your fingernails are always clean and trimmed. Get a good buddy to give you feedback about the overall state of your breath, because halitosis is an immediate turn-off to women, and you can easily have it and have no clue that you do.

Also be sure to dress well and appropriately for the situation, whatever it is, casual or dressy. And always wear nice shinny shoes. Even your gym shoes should be sharp and new. Women have a thing about shoes and they often make snap judgments about you according to the state of your footwear.

One of the very best places to meet women is at private parties where most of the guests know the host or hostess. People are much more open and friendly in this type of situation than they would be at a public celebration where anyone can just show up. Take advantage of your connection with the person giving the party, and ask him or her to introduce you to anyone whom you'd like to meet, but may not be totally comfortable approaching by yourself.

Other great places to connect with females are classes and seminars where women usually outnumber men: yoga classes, dance classes, cooking classes, psychic awareness classes, and astrology classes.

Any seminar or workshop that has to do with New Age consciousness, relationships or personal development often has about two to three times as many women as men in attendance.

And, if you really want to be gutsy, try going to an adult education class similar to the one a friend of mine once went to: "How to Organize Your Purse". He brought his backpack with him, and he was the only guy there. He connected with three different women.

Even more conventional organizations like Toastmasters are great. Church or Temple is also a fantastic place to meet women. And never miss an opportunity to attend my all time favorite event for meeting women: Weddings. Why? Because at weddings, everyone is up, happy, supportive, super friendly and love is in the air.

When attending any party or dance that is designed for "singles," be aware that the Bow Wow Factor at these places is often quite high, and that the desirable girls who do attend, frequently have their defenses way up. That's because it's usually overstocked with guys who look and act like they haven't had a date since the Civil War. So if you're going to go to singles events, try to get two or three of them lined up in one night. Get in and get out if it's not happening at one, and move onto the next. With all the disadvantages to "singles" events, people still do hook up at these places. So go ahead and check them out for yourself.

If you're the kind of guy who feels comfortable scouting for dates at nightclubs, be sure to always go with a buddy, preferably someone who is very upbeat and animated. You'll look a lot more appealing if you're rapping and laughing with your pal than you would if you were standing there by yourself with an anxious look on your face.

Then, if any woman at the club looks right at you and smiles more than once, walk on over to her and playfully strike up a conversation. If she was smiling at you, to begin with, you'll probably find that she'll make it easy for you once you do approach. (Don't bother talking to any women who don't smile at you at all.)

Once you find yourself having a conversation with a woman whom you're interested in, wherever you are, make sure to keep the conversation light and positive. Keep your hands to yourself and check to see if she touches you at all. It's an encouraging sign if she does.

And remember guys; always, always make sure to ask her for her home phone number.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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