- "Can't we just be friends?"
- "I don't kiss on the first date."
- "I need someone who is more exciting."
- "Did I tell you about my present lover?"
- "I think you're a nice person, but…"
If you have heard any of these lines, you're in luck because I
have the medicine to cure your case of Confusion-itis. You are privileged to be
reading the only romantic love column in America that comes from a male
perspective.
In last week's article, we covered two major concepts: The
Reality Factor ("Things are the way they are. If you go against reality,
reality works against you, resulting in pain.") and The Bottom Line Factor
("Only a woman's actions truly reflect her feelings toward you."). These two
facts of life form the foundation of my unique approach to relationships, which
I call The "System." This week, I will give you the framework of The "System"
by naming the three factors that determine success or failure in romantic
relationships. These factors are: female Interest Level, female attitude, and
male attitude.
Interest Level is one of the most overlooked factors in
successful relationships. Women call their Interest Level "romantic feelings,"
or "love." Interest Level is a degree of love. What is a "degree" of love? Let
me give an example. Tom is at a party and he asks two women, Jill and Caprice,
for their home phone numbers. Jill responds, "I'll give you my work number
instead - I just don't know you very well." Caprice, on the other hand, tears a
bank deposit slip from her checkbook, circles the home phone number, and hands
it to Tom with a smile saying " Now, you'd better call me!"
Interest Level is a scale that ranges from 0 to 100 percent. In
our example, I would place Jill's Interest Level in Tom at 20% and Caprice's at
80%. Now, think about this: If Jill and Caprice were thoroughbreds running in
the seventh at the Del Mar racetrack, and Tom were a betting man, whom should
he put his money on? Why is female Interest Level so important? Because the
closer the woman's Interest Level gets to 100%, the more she likes you, and the
more fun you will have - whether it's on the first date or on your 20th
anniversary. In sharp contrast, the further away her Interest Level is from
100%, the less she likes you, and the more she will eat, nag, and watch Ricki
Lake. To you Psych majors: a man should only love a woman who loves him
first and a lot.
Of the three factors that make or break romantic relationships,
the woman's Interest Level - not the man's Interest level - is the single most
important factor.
In addition to overlooking the woman's Interest Level, males
typically overlook the importance of female attitude - a woman's morals and her
temperament. Even though your Miss Right is beautiful, inside and out, don't
you still have to ask yourself, "Is she going to be part of the crew or part of
the cargo?" To you Psych majors, "Is she high maintenance or low maintenance?"
If you are going to serve time with Miss Right, isn't it best for your
comfort level and sanity to find a wife who rubs your back and complements you
once in a while just for taking out the trash? Of course it is.
So, what comprises a good female attitude? Integrity, giving,
and flexibility.
A woman's integrity is made up of honesty, loyalty, and trust -
in other words: "Would I go into business with this person?" is the question
you should ask yourself before you give up your freedom.
To find out whether Miss Right is a giver or a taker, ask
yourself, "Is she on my side? Is she sweet, serene, and supportive - at least
some of the time?" One sign of a giving wife is that she says, "I like to do
things to make my husband happy" when she talks with her girlfriends.
As for the definition of flexibility - let me tell you what it
isn't: hardheaded, structured, stubborn, intransigent, nor is it personified by
nagging - the most cruel and usual punishment in America today. Flexibility is
being willing to try something new - even if it is going fishing with you once,
and baiting the hook with a creepy crawler.
If a woman is normal, you make her like you more or less by the
way you treat her, but you cannot affect her attitude - she comes to you wired
that way. So, it is your job to do the things that raise her Interest Level
toward 100%. How? By exhibiting the proper male attitude, made up of:
confidence, control and Challenge.
Most men know what confidence is, and even know that women love
confident men. The other relationship experts, who come from a female
perspective, don't tell men specifically what to do to get this confidence. But
if you read my column every week, you will learn how to automatically
appear confident, even when you're a nervous wreck inside!
"Control" in my system stands for self-control (not controlling
the woman). It means controlling your choices and actions in spite of what your
emotions urge you to do. For example, if you're at a dance club, and a
gentleman hustles your girlfriend, you know to take it as a compliment to your
taste instead of putting a chair over his head. By practicing self-control and
not making a fool of yourself, you raise her Interest Level to even loftier
heights.
Challenge is nothing more than playing hard to get. You to do
this because the woman is happiest when she does the chasing, and when
she thinks it is her idea to pursue a romantic relationship - rather
than yours. If you do what I say, you'll have to beat 'em off with a
stick!
