I enjoy your love radio show and columns and have to tell you that “The System” was the best purchase I ever made in my life. The book really tells the truth, and I realize it more and more every day.

Now to my problem. I’ve been in a relationship with Aimee for two years. I’m 30 and she’s 36. We’ve been living together for 11 months. She has an eight-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. Aimee has low Self-Esteem but is Flexible and a Giver about 50% of the time. Otherwise, she’s high maintenance (after all, she is a Beautiful Woman) and has no sense of humor, which is something I miss a lot in a partner. As you can imagine, she nags a lot and likes to argue.

After getting your book and reading it a couple of times, I began implementing your principles, especially Challenge, and it started to work. Aimee’s Interest Level, which was always (I think) above 50%, started to rise.

My problem is that Aimee always tries to blame someone else (mostly me) for anything and everything bad that happens to her. And boy-oh-boy, she complains and whines like a little baby. Another problem is that she is so dependent that she thinks that every time I detach from her (even if I’m in another room) I’m doing something deceitful. For example, recently I was in the kitchen for 10 minutes preparing snacks and she was lying on the sofa watching TV. When I returned with a plate full of goodies, she asked what I was doing in there. Looking at the plate, I said, “What do you think I was doing?” She actually didn’t believe that’s all I was up to.

Doc, I know there are too many red flags, and I would like to end this relationship. Sometimes it seems to me that the main reason Aimee’s with me is because I get along great with her daughter and she wants another child. But I can’t see myself living with Aimee the rest of my life and having kids with her because whenever she’s upset or nervous about something, innocent people around her will suffer. Did I mention she’s also lazy?

So Doc, I guess what I’m asking is, what’s the best way to end this relationship? I know I’m still a wimp, but I’m working on getting myself on the right track. I just need time and freedom to practice your techniques. My main concern is the entire transition period of breaking up because Aimee and I live together. I do have an opportunity to get a job in another city about 200 miles away. That could be a good excuse to get out.

Ryan - who needs a strategy

Hi Ryan,

You know how Jack Nicholson gets rid of them? Like my cousin Sal “The Fish” Love says, “He gives ‘em a nice tip.” But we won’t get into his problems now. We’re going to concentrate on you, Ryan.

So, your Aimee’s a Flexible Giver about 50% of the time? Unfortunately, what that means is that you’re absolutely miserable the other 50% of the time! Is that any way to live, Ryan? To you Psych majors, this girl should be on the cover of Cosmopolitan. That’s why she can get away with pulling the stuff she pulls. And that’s how stupid some men are.

Let me correct you on something you wrote, my friend. You don’t really mean, “Otherwise she’s high maintenance.” What you really mean is ON TOP OF IT ALL, she’s high maintenance. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “You call this a good deal?”

Now let me tell you something, and it’s really important. Way back in 1985, I incorporated CHALLENGE into “The System.” Like the immortal Sigmund Freud said, “It turned out to be the most revolutionary concept to affect dating and love in the twentieth century.” But since then, nothing — NOTHING — new has made it onto the Truth Triangle in the Dating Dictionary. Until just last month, when I added the element of HUMOR. Why? Because of how incredibly important a sense of HUMOR is to a loving relationship. And so it’s obvious what it means if you have a girl who doesn’t have it. Think about it, man.

Ninety-nine percent of all women have at least a little sense of humor. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “Hell, even some Feministas try to laugh once in awhile!” But no sense of humor at all? My cousin Fast Eddie Love says it best: “Does this girl have legs as long as Stacy Keibler of wrestling and dancing fame?”

Yes, shocking, as it might seem, I can imagine that Aimee likes to nag and argue. But you should tell her, “Honey, I think that arguing is the most loving thing you can do in a relationship, and that’s why I love you so much!” And say it with a straight face. Then wink at her, just like Dennis Quaid.

After you read my book, what started to work was that Aimee’s Interest Level went from 40% to 49%. She’s still with you, but she’s a mess. That’s the problem with this girl.

But consider what happens in life. Don’t successful people look at themselves first to try and figure out why something went wrong? Your Aimee does the exact opposite. Ryan, do you really want to be stuck with that kind of negativity for the rest of your life?

Now let me ask you a question. If Aimee complains and whines like a little baby, have you asked her why she isn’t a movie star? When she thinks you’re up to no good behind her back, you have to learn to use HUMOR in these situations. Remember, anytime something heavy comes up with any babe, you’re supposed to go straight into your Robin Williams routine and lighten things up.

When she asked what you were doing in the kitchen, you handled it all wrong. You went on the defensive. Like I always tell you guys, when the going gets rough, you have to come up with a funny. What you tell her is, “Know what I was doing in there? I was going through my new Playboy magazine, checking out all the girls. What were you doing, honey?”

Now let’s get this straight….You spend 10 minutes doing something innocent in the kitchen, and Aimee accuses you of not really doing what you said you were doing and that’s not really a plate of food? Hey, this girl is really rational! You got a real winner here!

Know what, Ryan? Your babe lives in what’s called “Beautiful Girl World.” That’s the planet where she thinks it’s all about her all the time and the stars revolve around nobody but her. To you Psych majors, most models and actresses inhabit “Beautiful Girl World.”

And now you finally see the red flags sprouting up everywhere. Dude, the building has already burned to the ground! Of course this has to end. This relationship should never have started in the first place. Pal, you fell in love with a Beautiful Psycho Girl.

And you two want a baby — with her attitude? Are you nuts? The innocent person suffering around her is YOU. To you Psych majors, do you really want to unleash her on a child?

Yes, you did happen to mention that Aimee was lazy. But I had a hunch from the way she had you playing servant in the kitchen while she sprawled on the couch and watched the tube. Which means she’s also very crafty and knows how to use what she’s got to get what she wants. I can’t believe how good-looking this girl is!

Guy, you should have extricated yourself from this morass the day after you read my book. You know what that means? That means calling Beacon’s and getting out of town on the double.

You moved in with her too soon, buddy. You didn’t know this girl. All you knew was that she looked like one of the stunners on the cover of Harper’s Bazaar.

I wish that you were moving 2,000 miles away instead of 200 miles away, Ryan. But like my cousin Father Love would say, “At this time, just take the job.”

Remember, guys: if she lives in Beautiful Girl World, until you have my principles down, don’t waste her time.

To hear my LOVE RADIO SHOW, send me your love questions or to find out more about “The System,” visit me at or call (800) 404-2644. Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

© Copyright 2006 DocLove DotCom, Inc.

Unfortunately one of the most popular types of clientele for discreet dating services is people that are currently married. In some cases, it is a spouse that is either getting a separation from their current spouse or is on the verge of getting a separation and is trying to find someone to ease the pain a little. In some cases a discreet dating service is used by an abused spouse who is trying to find someone they can spend time with that will not cause them pain and suffering. In other cases it is the spouse of someone who travels a great deal and they just want someone to help them fill the time when their spouse is out on the road. Whatever the reason married people seem to be the ones utilizing the discreet dating services more than any other type of people.

While not all celebrities need a discreet dating service, there are instances where celebrities are just not able to go out and mingle with other people and many of those celebrities do not want to date other celebrities. Since it is difficult for, say, Johnny Depp to venture out to the local shopping mall and meet someone special, he would employ the services of a Hollywood discreet dating service that has experience in helping celebrities meet people, and maybe even find someone he likes to spend some time with. It is not that far fetched to think that celebrities that cannot go out in public like normal people would need help meeting people.

A discreet dating service can have a lot of functions and some of them are not socially accepted while others can be very practical. No matter how you look at them the idea of a discreet dating service is becoming more and more popular and more and more people are starting to utilize them, so you may want to get used to seeing their television commercials on late night television.

Our second date went well too, but I think I messed up on our third date. She asked me to meet her parents before we left for the beach. I admit that I had a couple of drinks before I came by (her father could tell, but her mother just thought I was a nice guy). By the time we got to the restaurant, the alcohol really took effect and I was falling asleep at the table. Apparently I also spent about ten minutes in the bathroom (I don’t even remember this).

I sent her flowers and apologized. She said she forgave me, but was sensitive about this because her ex was an alcoholic. I mentioned going to a concert of her choice, but she immediately said, “I think they’re sold out” and that she needed time to “sort things out” and that before the drinking incident, she thought I was “cool.”

What can you read into this?

Mike - who wants to know if he should let her go?

Hi Mike,

Blacking out during a date… gee, guy, do you think you might have a drinking problem? Your girl said she forgave you for your antics, but I think she was just trying to let you down easy. The fact is, intoxication and church girls don’t mix.

Your girl let you go - you have it backwards, Mike. From the first date to the third date, you took her Interest Level from around 75% to down below 49% (the point of no return). Her refusal of your concert date was a classic example of “Women Don’t Lie - Men Don’t Listen”: she thought you were “cool” before the incident, not after. At that moment, you couldn’t have revived her Interest Level by giving her the keys to a Turbo Bentley, let alone concert tickets.

Mike, you need to understand something about the current dating climate. The “System” says that 90% of the time, the man doesn’t make it past 60 days with a woman (I call this “The 60-Day Rule”). During this period, women are most susceptible to being turned off by male weaknesses. Depending on her values, you could be history by showing bad table manners, by stiffing the waiter, or by walking up to her doorstep wearing dirty shoes (a mercenary would disqualify you if your house is worth less than a million dollars). I hate to break it to you, Mike, but passing out at the dinner table is a turnoff for almost all women.

Rather than look at a man’s positives, many women today search for faults (You can thank the Feminstas for putting this chip on their shoulders). Because of this dating reality, Mike, you can’t afford to show up to a date under the influence of a mind-altering substance. To do so, is to fight the “Battle of the Sexes” by handing an M-16 to the enemy!

And if keeping a clear head is important on a normal date, Mike, how much truer is this when you meet a girl’s parents for the first time? Think! You were obviously doing well to have made it to that stage - why blow it by showing up to her parents’ house drunk?

Your mistake, Mike, was thinking that alcohol would loosen you up and make you appear more “laid-back” and therefore more confident. The truth is, drinking too much only makes a woman think you’re an alcoholic. Only guys who play in rock bands can raise a woman’s Interest Level by getting plastered - if you’re a normal guy, it only disgusts her.

If you had been married to her for ten years and pulled this stunt, she probably would have forgiven you, (because women, like unions, believe in seniority) but her Interest Level was high for too short of a time. Therefore, you went from a having a woman who tried to suck your tongue out of your mouth on the first date, to a woman who thinks you belong in rehab.

Now, if it were possible for you to know that her ex was a boozer ahead of time, you could have used that information to your advantage and avoided his mistakes. In other words, you would have sworn off beer and spirits and told her you were the President of the local Temperance Union.

Mike, your drinking turned her off, plus, you got her dad to hate you. I would cut my losses at this point and learn from the experience. So, do not call her. But if she should call you, then ask her out - but this time: leave Jack Daniels in the bottle where he belongs.

Guys, e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The “System” visit me at: www.doclove.com or call me at: (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past thirty years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

Copyright DocLove DotCom

I wrote to you before and your advice helped a lot. I have another question for you.

I’ve been in a relationship for eight months. Three weeks ago, my girlfriend moved to the West Coast, while I’m still stuck here on the East Coast. Just to keep her interested in me, and to keep our relationship strong, I call her, surprise her with e-mails, and even call a florist in her area to send her flowers. I also FedEx her letters, poetry, and other stuff. In spite of this, I’m worried that she might get tired of my gifts and me, and drift to another man. Do you have any recommendations on how to keep a long-distance relationship strong?

Thanks,
Glenn - who wants to keep the flame burning

Hi Glenn,

You’re right - she will get tired of all of your gifts and e-mails. They’re not surprises - they’re predictable. But you have a bigger problem. Ask yourself: if you two really had a strong relationship to, how could she move away from you?

When the woman moves away from your city, it means she has 39% Interest Level and you are out. If your girlfriend’s move were only temporary, Glenn - let’s say, for only three months - that would be acceptable because her intent is to come back. But the longer she stays away after that, the more her Interest Level will diminish.

Glenn, let me show me why this is true. Four years ago, I left Los Angeles and moved 111 miles to the San Diego area. For the first six months, I drove to L.A. every weekend to see my buddies. After a while, I began skipping a weekend here and weekend there, until… you get the drift. The same thing will happen to your relationship, Glenn.

Though I can maintain my friendship with my buddies in L.A., you won’t be so lucky with Miss Right. Why? Because girlfriends require consistent affection and face-to-face contact, which is impossible when you are 3000 miles away. This leads me to the question: Did your girlfriend, deep down, want the relationship to die of neglect? My cousin, Fast Eddie Love would answer: “There are no accidents.”

And consider this fact: with you out of sight, more guys are going to hit on your girlfriend - especially if she is a looker. After a while, a girl with low Interest Level will get tired of constantly turning down rides in another guy’s Silver PT Cruiser or dinners on his yacht or champagne in his Lear Jet. Plus - you know she will eventually go out clubbing with her new girlfriends and all the guys there will asking her to dance… So, Glenn - what do you think the chances are that she will drift to another man?

Now, if your girlfriend made this move because Bill Gates had asked her to be Vice-president of Operations or because she had received a full scholarship to Stanford, then she should have proposed marriage to you and begged you to come with her. In these cases, you would encourage her to pursue those opportunities because they would mean a prosperous married life for the both of you. But let’s get real - chances are, the reason why she left is a lot less glamorous.

The odds of saving this type of relationship are a hundred to one against you. But if it were possible for you to influence her to move back, you would have to do the opposite of what you have been doing. In other words: no gifts, flowers, or written communiqués. If she calls you, wait a day before you call her back and keep the calls short. Also, if she e-mails you, wait two days to answer her.

When your girlfriend asks, only talk about all the good things going on in your life. This way you will nonverbally convey the message: “I can live without you.” You must play Challenge to the hilt - that’s why it’s not the time to be mushy and to display neediness or insecurity through words and trinkets.

While your girlfriend’s busy getting her priorities straight, you can be looking for her replacement by asking for new home phone numbers. If, by some twist of fate, your girl moves back (cough!), you can always throw those backup phone numbers away.

Remember guys, nothing takes the place of an old flame like a new flame.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The “System,” visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.

Doc Love is a talk show host, entertainment speaker, and coaches men in his seminars. For the past thirty years he has asked thousands of women, “Why do you stay with one man versus another?”

Copyright DocLove DotCom

Being successful in online dating is the same as being successful in traditional dating - be as courteous to your date as you, yourself, wish to be treated. If you’re considering joining an online dating service, check out the membership requirements first. Remember to be cautious because that anyone with Internet access has access to the online dating websites. You are able to review potential partners, and available singles, at your leisure to evaluating the information provided.

iMatchup - It is one of the fastest growing websites, which gets about 500,000 visitors and adds about 10,000 members every day.

You can write your own personals to give it your special touch. It is absolutely amazing the number of people who are looking for there absolute perfect match via online dating services. There are numerous ways that you can contact potential partners on the Internet.

DateCam.com - It allows you to communicate with members by means of live video.

MyEMatch.com - Offers you unique proprietary software to help you to find the ideal match.

• Know the right reason or reasons for asking a person out.
• What if the person says no? Be prepared for whatever the answer the person gives. Do not take a “no” so heavily. Learn the beauty of grace in such times.
• If the person says no, do not be bitter about it. Simply move on and never treat the person unwell.
• A little practice might be in order for you to be conditioned in how to say well the words you want to express.
• Be ready with the important details you have in mind for the date. The person might say “yes” and you not knowing where to go could be a real “turn off”. Be ready with some ideas.
• Be ready to answer the person if they ask you why you are asking them out. You don’t have to be a huge flatterer but you have to make sure that you make the person feel good.
• Never pressure a person to go out with you. This is not healthy and will only lead to negative outcomes. Don’t pressure a person to tell you why it is a “no”.
• Do not stand people up. When you ask a person out, you mean it and you do not leave her with nothing at all.
• Having a drink just to boost your confidence is not a good idea. It may just push you to worse situations. You have to be naturally confident.
• The more, the merrier but not when asking for a first date. When you ask a person for a date, do not do it when she is with a circle of friends.

Below is a brief description of the types of sites available so you can choose the best online dating service that works for you.

The Religious Approach:
There are a variety of different religious online dating sites that provide their users with the option to find a partner that has the same religious interests and beliefs as the other. These sites are not just limited to Christians; they have sites for religions such as later day saints, Jewish, and catholic. I would suggest the site eHarmony.com for a good place to look at online dating for Christians.

The Sexual Approach:
This is the best online dating service for anyone looking for a sexual partner more than a long term possible marriage partner. These sites allow the user to browse local singles and find a person in their area that is looking to have fun for a night or two. These sites, such as Adult Friend Finder, can charge a lot for their services because of all the features they offer. These sites may not be a good place to go if you are looking for a longer term relationship.

The Serious Approach:
If you are looking for a person that you will want to spend the rest of your life with this is the best online dating service available. If you are not so sure about going out into the physical realm to look for a partner, then internet dating is a must for you. Sites such as Match.com offer extremely detailed and good profiles to help you determine certain people’s pros, cons, hobbies, or even their religious beliefs.

The friendly approach:
When you aren’t necessarily looking for a sexual, religious, or a serious relationship with someone these sites would be the best place to go. If you’re looking to network, then this is the best online dating service for you. These sites get you to know people but aren’t necessarily pressured into having to have a relationship with them. These sites foster a lot of fraud though because of their ease of access and because they are free. Settings can be set so that certain people can’t see your profile or everyone can’t see it until you let them.

Even when started on a very part time basis and allowed to grow, a home based business offers a very flexible income earning opportunity from the comfort of your own home.

The home based business revolution is the fastest growing industry in the world, with one home based business opening every ELEVEN SECONDS! It’s no wonder when you consider the immediate potential benefits to your monthly cash flow.

A home based business has two major advantages.

1) the cost of starting a home based business, especially an Internet based business has a very low start up cost or overhead.

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