How Does Hef Keep Them From Coming On Too Heavy?

Hey Doc,

First of all, thank you for all the great advice! I recently purchased your Dating Dictionary. “The System” has helped me more than I could even have hoped. But I hope you can help me more now.

I’ve been following your guidelines strictly with the girls I date. Their Interest Levels are above 50% or higher. But whenever I’ve succeeded in getting past the first three dates, something happens. After about two months of dating them, they start saying “I love you,” or “I feel like I’ve known you forever.”

Which might sound great, but how can someone “love” you after just two months of knowing you? And the worst thing is that they expect me to say, “I love you” in return, or to become further committed to them. At this level, I’ve already asked them not to date anyone else (they all agreed). But to me, that’s entirely different from what they expect: they e-mail or text- message me several times a day (expecting a response for every single message, of course), expect me to call them every single day, etc. I don’t acquiesce to their demands, however.

I’ve told all these girls the same thing, which is that a two-month “love” is still too fragile for me to blindly dive into something deeper, and that I’m not comfortable with all this smothering from them, either. By the way, I never let these discussions get heated up (I keep it light and funny).

The result? They have accused of me of being “emotionally unavailable.” They cry and try to convince me to say the “L” word. They accuse of me of being unfair. Finally, they start “advising” me: with the next girl in my life I shouldn’t come on “strong and heavy” at first, only to take it away from them after a few weeks. Finally, tired of all the drama, I break up with them. Or they break up (angry and hurt, naturally - or so they claim) with me.

Doc, I don’t think I’m emotionally unavailable. I try to see my girl once a week, show her through my actions that I care and that I’m having a great time with her. So what am I doing wrong? Or am I under some curse and just meeting emotionally unhealthy women? I don’t know if it matters, but I’m a foreigner (I moved to the U.S. three years ago) and each one of these girls has been the all-American blonde. And they’ve been single (which to me should translate into “very little baggage”). They’ve been all kinds of women, too, from teachers to doctors. Their ages are 20s to early 30s (I’m 32).

I would like to continue dating a girl longer than two to three months, without her becoming too demanding or smothering me. Is that possible?

Jiri - who’s baffled by American girls

Click Here to Read Doc Love’s Advice to Jiri