Once you decide that you’re ready to date again, you have to realize that your approach to dating won’t be the same as it was in years past. As a single mother with children in the home, your dating decisions have to consider what works for them as well as for you.
It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of finding a guy who wants to spend time with you before you think about how dating will be different as a single mom than it was as a single woman with no responsibilities.
The spur of the moment dating that you used to enjoy simply won’t work when you have to plan a babysitter or arrange for the kids to spend the night with friends. If the guy you’re interested in doesn’t have children, he may not understand how these roles can collide for you.
As a single mom, you have to be careful about men that you bring into your children’s lives. They can get to know him and like him, only to lose contact with him when you break up a few months later.
Or they may hate your new guy and feel threatened by the time he takes you away from them. In either case, you’re going to be pulled between them. One way to avoid constant shuffling of men in and out of your home is to set up your own six month rule.
Decide that you will keep dating casual and away from the children for at least six months. You need to tell the kids that you’re going out with friends, but don’t give too much information to them.
For your protection, date in groups, with friends or co-workers and at large public events. As a mom, it’s your duty to keep yourself safe – and to make sure you aren’t allowing a psycho into your lives.
If your new guy makes it past the six month rule, that’s still not time for him to move in. You need to introduce him to your children over several weeks and months for a short period of time at each meeting.
Don’t send the kids out with him to “get to know each other.” That’s a disaster in the making for everyone. If the children are not friendly toward him, don’t push it. They need to come to terms with this in their own time.
Make sure that you know this guy really well before you bring him into your children’s lives. Is he the man you think he is? Is he stable, dependable, honest and sincere? If he drinks, smokes, throws thing or swears, he’ll do the same around your children.
Would you be okay with your children repeating his behaviors? You can’t make excuses for his actions and discipline your children when they act the same way. It’s okay to want to find Mr. Right so that you can enjoy love and companionship that you’re missing now. Just realize that when you’re a single mom with children, you need more than Mr. Right, you need Mr. Right for Your Family.