The word “chemistry” in relation to love is used because of the chemical reactions that love sets off in our brains.
When we first lay eyes on someone that we are attracted to; we do so because of the physical attraction that makes us look at them. If we feel more than just a recognition of the physical to that person then the brain releases chemicals to signal to us that this may be more. The brain distinguishes the type of reaction to an attraction we may have. The chemical reaction is an alert to let us know that this may be love. This is where the adage “Love at first sight” applies.
Love has different stages in which different chemicals are bio chemically released from our brains. It is the stages as we encounter them that stimulate a response of love based on the level of a love relationship we are involved in. When a chemical reaction occurs simultaneously between two people this is when we say the people have mutual “chemistry” between one another and love then ensues.
The first stage in the love process is “sexual attraction or lust”. This is what makes us say someone is cute and gives us the tingle when we look at them. When this stage occurs testosterone and estrogen are released from our brains and make us have the urge to mate. Many encounters do not go beyond this stage and the relationship if any, dies shortly after. If the two still have chemistry then other stages occur where different chemicals in the brain are released to further stimulate the true love cycle of being in love.
After the sexual arousal/lust stage comes the romantic attraction stage. The chemicals that are released during this stage are:
1. Pheromones – These are chemicals that when excreted from the brain cause social responses in the same species. They trigger attraction through things like scent to the opposite sex. The person who receives them externally either has the attraction or repulsion to the person who is releasing the pheromones. Depending on the chemical attraction one person has towards the other determines the release of pheromones in relationship towards the other party. When two people like each other after the first stage; the pheromones that are released cause a mutual attraction for both parties.
2. Dopamine – This is the next important chemical that is released in the love process. This chemical creates a feel good or even high feeling that people experience when they are in love. It is a chemical that is stimulated as part of our reward systems wired in our brains. When we are in love it is like a reward and dopamine is released. It is a neurotransmitter that releases in regards to gratifying behavior including sex.
3. Norepinephrine – This is a fight or flight chemical that is stimulated to release upon action which stimulates arousal and effects our reward system. It is a stress chemical. This makes us excited about someone
4. Serotonin – This neurotransmitter stimulates our moods, It makes us feel high or low depending on the stimulus
When a person falls “in love” these chemicals are released. When both people feel the same they have what is called chemistry.
This is because both parties are releasing the same chemicals at the same time of their interactions causing chemical synchronicity between both people. This is what we refer to as being in sync or in tune to each other. When this does not occur two people may care or like each other but they are NOT in love with one another. This is what makes being in love so special. The biological chemistry also gets activated. It’s not just a logical or technical experience. It’s a feeling that creates all these chemicals to go off. This is what is referred to as feeling sparks.