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Hi Doc,

I met this beautiful girl over a year ago and we ended up going out. I fell in love with her. We got to where we saw each other every day and basically did everything together. No girl had ever shown as much interest in me as she did. After we went out for 5 months, I went out of town for 2 weeks. When I got back, a guy friend of hers, who used to go out with her years ago, told me that he kissed her when I was out of town and that he was sorry.

I confronted my girlfriend about it and she told me that it was true, and that she was sorry. She said that it was wrong to even have had him over in the first place. I was hurt, and I broke up with her. After a couple of weeks I decided I over- reacted and went back to her.

Things were great after we got back together, and we communicated more than ever. We had a great relationship for about 6 more months, when one night we had a really long talk. She confessed that she had had sex with a guy (someone different from the one she kissed) about 2 months after we started going out. She said she didn't feel emotionally close to me yet at that time and felt that I was just going to break up with her soon anyway because that's what every other guy has done to her. She also said that she didn't really like this other guy either.

She said that having sex with him was her way of hurting me before I had a chance to hurt her. She said that after a while when she saw I wasn't like the other guys, she felt bad about what she had done, but didn't want to lose me by telling me. She said she was telling me now because she has changed and felt she needed to be completely honest and open with me.

Despite what she said, I couldn't get over the fact that she had cheated on me twice. I broke up with her a few days later, and now we have been broken up for about a month. She calls me all the time, telling me to come back, saying she has truly changed and has integrity now. I have also noticed that she doesn't lie to her friends like she used to. I love her and I want to go back to her, but I don't want be cheated on again. Should I trust her and go back to her, or should I move on?

Hunter - who wants to know if she has really changed

Advice for Single Guys from Success Coach - Doc Love

WOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTEN

So Hunter,

You go out of town for two weeks and the kitty cat strays. Just imagine if you were out to sea with the Navy for 6 months. How loyal would this Desdemona be under those circumstances? Judging by her track record, I'd say, maybe about as loyal as Liz Taylor would be in a men's room.

And as usual, you, the man, are supposed to overlook her transgressions and pretend nothing happened. Many women expect men to do this, but somehow don't seem to be able to do the same when the situation is reversed. Yes, hypocrisy is alive and well in women's lib land!

Hunter, I think you made the right decision when you decided to call it quits with this traitor. I do believe that she has strong feelings for you, but she's just not long-term-committed-relationship material. Why not? Well, she not only went to bed with another guy, while she was dating you, but she did it with a guy whom she didn't even like. To have done that, her self -esteem has to be pretty low. And if you get emotionally involved with someone with low self-esteem, you're in for one big train wreck down the line.

I'd like to give her credit for confessing to you, but any woman with an ounce of common sense would know that even a man with tons of self confidence would be demolished by such a revelation. Her compulsion to reveal what she did only verifies that she doesn't know how to manage a relationship properly.

You also mentioned that she has a reputation for distorting the truth. How can you ever tell when a fibber has changed her ways? It's tough to know for sure. I'd venture to guess that all her exes got rid of her quickly because her infidelity vibes are so strong.

The System says that in order to have a successful relationship, not only does the woman's romantic Interest Level in you have to be extremely high, but she also has to have integrity. Now this gal passes the Interest Level test, but she gets an F on her Integrity examination.

Look Hunter, the mistake that a lot of men make, is that they fall for the party girl, marry the party girl, and then have to divorce the party girl. And who comes out the loser? The man of course.

The other love doctors, like Joyce Brothers and her ilk, would tell you to take her back and be more understanding. "You need counseling" is their mantra.

Now if all you want is a party girl, you can take her back. But I can tell that you're the kind of guy who is looking for long-term love, and you're not going to find it with this hussy.

Remember, guys, once the kitty cat strays, it is over unless you want to sleep with one eye open for the rest of your life and wind up being the one emptying the litter box.

To send me your love questions, listen to my call-in talk show, or to find out more about "The System," visit me at http://www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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