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Dear Doc Love,

Hi, my name is Branden, I'm 28 and I manage a health food store near San Francisco. I've just started dating a girl I really like, Esmeralda. She's 24. Very pretty. We've had three fun dates so far. But, I'm kind of worried. My problem is that women keep flaking out on me by the fifth or sixth date and I do not know why. I'm almost embarrassed to tell you that this has happened to me several times. But I would do anything to not lose this girl. She's really special.

I'm a good-looking guy, and attractive women are definitely attracted to me. They seem to like me a lot at first and then things usually just go downhill from there. I can sort of feel that the same thing might be starting to happen again with Esmeralda. God, I don't want to blow it this time!

One of the guys who works with me told me that I should start reading your weekly column and that it would help me a lot. So I am, but in the meantime, I thought I'd go straight to the source and just get some advice from you directly.

Doc, what do you think I could be doing wrong? I'm always real positive. Like on our last date, I held Esmeralda's hand and told her how beautiful I thought she was and how attracted to her I am. She seemed to like that, but I'm not sure because she also seemed a little distracted at the end of the date. (A female friend of mine recommended that I say those things - see how confused I am)?

So, any advice you can give me would be super appreciated.

Branden - who doesn't want to go down in flames again

Advice for Single Guys from Success Coach - Doc Love

WOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTEN

Hi Branden,

If you keep losing these girls, then you are indeed doing something wrong, probably several things wrong. But take some comfort in knowing that you are not alone in your confusion. Most guys simply never receive any accurate info on how to relate to women from a place of power and mastery. Their models for manhood come from a mishmash of sports heroes, rock or rap musicians and movie stars, most of whom are living in a fantasy world and have a twisted sense of values.

Finding a model of manhood who's not an idiotic egomaniac, a macho moron or a screw-up is a challenging task. And very, very few teenage boys have the good fortune to have fathers or big brothers in their lives that really understand women and know how to coach kids properly.

Consequently, most guys find themselves adrift in the dating world, shooting from the hip and flying by the seat of their pants, using the trial and error method. (Always on trial and frequently NOT learning from their errors.)

Branden, you need basic training, training that you've never been given. You've gotta get street-smart, dude. But that's not going to happen if you keep taking advice from women. Women can tell you what they think they want from a man, but they are essentially incapable of telling you what they will actually respond to emotionally!

So allow me to be your mentor, and provide you with three simple but powerful principles that will transform your love life. Here they are.

During the first sixty days of dating:

1) Do not come on heavy - keep it light

This means: Don't tell her how pretty she is or how much you like her or that you'd like to see her again. Keep it positive Branden. Keep her laughing. Give her no more than one compliment per date. No gifts and no flowers, all of which she experiences as appeals for her approval. (Don't try to impress her.) Don't talk about your feelings for her or your romantic Interest Level. Instead, let her wonder where she stands with you. Remain mysterious.

2) Do not touch her - let her do all the touching

If a girl likes you, she will automatically begin to touch you and will increase the frequency of touching as she spends more time with you. If you try to raise her Interest Level by touching HER a lot, your actions will backfire. You will inhibit her impulse to touch YOU. She will begin to feel uncomfortable, and she will withdraw from you. Most guys have absolutely no understanding of this principle of romantic relationships. Believe it or not, the less you touch her, the more she will want to touch you.

3) Do not mention or hint at the topic of sex.

Way too many guys have a terrible habit of talking about sex on a date. If you start trying to get your date turned on by talking about sex, you will turn her off! Yes. I said, you would turn her off. Even if she makes jokes or hints about sex, don't jump on it like most guys do. Instead, playfully steer her away from the topic. Trust me, this will work to your advantage.

Branden, if you begin practicing just these three principles from "The System," your love life will improve immensely and you won't have to go down in flames ever again.

Remember, guys, start with the basics.

To send me your love questions or to find out more about The "System," visit me at www.doclove.com or call (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"

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