Today, I’m going to show you one of the biggest mistakes you can make when asking a woman out, and how to avoid it.
Without thinking, what’s the most stereotypical way to ask someone out?
For most people, it’s going to be something to the effect of: “Would you like to go to dinner sometime?” It could be dinner, it could be grabbing coffee, anything like that. It’s a standard first date. It’s reserved, it’s traditional, and it gives you a chance to get to know the other person.
It’s also a HORRIBLE idea.
I had to explain this to Owen, after he’d told me how the latest girl he’d asked out hadn’t seemed interested.
“I mean, I’ve taken women to dinner before, and it’s always gone okay. What’s the deal?” He asked me through an email one day.
Well, while grabbing dinner with someone is a good way to get to know them, it’s locking you into a one-on-one interaction for several hours. In the world we live in today, attention spans are shorter than ever before. So, an ideal first date should be something a bit more dynamic.
However, the REAL problem with this date idea ties back into the idea of personal scarcity.
You want your time to seem valuable, and you want to seem like an interesting person who does cool stuff all the time. Both of those things will make you more attractive to every woman you’d want to date.
By planning out dinner with a girl, you’re blocking off several hours of your time and creating an event just for her. In effect, you’re telling her “I have nothing else going on in my life.”
So how do you take a girl on a date where you don’t come across that way?
It’s surprisingly easy.
You just invite her to something you’re already doing with other people anyway.
Whether you’re going out hiking with a bunch of friends, or exploring a festival downtown, or even just going out for drinks, it looks infinitely better to bring your date with you rather than planning out a specific evening for her.
It makes you seem like an interesting person who does cool things, it shows that you have other friends that enjoy hanging out with you, and it shows that your time is valuable.
Which brings me back to Owen. Clearly, if dinner wasn’t the best option, there had to be something else that would work.
“Owen, is there anything fun you do regularly with a group of friends?” I asked him through a text after he’d told me about the problems taking women out to dinner. “Yeah, normally some of the other bartenders and I go out and sing some karaoke every week. We’re all horrible at it, but it’s a ton of fun.” Bingo!
“Perfect!” I answered. “Are there any women you’re interested in right now?”
“Yeah, actually. There’s a woman I’ve been kinda hitting it off with recently; she’s a new regular at the bar. Her name’s Kayla. She’s a bit younger than me, and she’s pretty cute.”
“Hell yeah! What I want you to do is…does she know some of the other bartenders?” I asked.
“Great! Ask her if she wants to go out and sing karaoke with you guys! It’ll be a lot of fun, and it’ll seem like you’re always out doing badass stuff with friends!”
“Hmm…that’s a good idea! I’ll give that a try and let you know!”
Like I’ve said before, the real goal of any dating is to make yourself seem interesting.
The better you look, the more a woman will want to be with you.
So if you can avoid the old “Let’s go to dinner” cliche, it’ll be a lot easier to make even the most attractive woman interested in you.