If a first date brings to mind a picture of you at her doorstep with a dozen roses and a box of candy, you may need a new picture. The question of what to “bring” to a first date should never be answered with a box of candy and a dozen roses.

That’s too much, too soon. However, you can bring a small token gift if you want to, and there are other, non-gift things that you should always bring to a date. Let’s look at them.

• Forget being lavish on the first date, or the second or the third. If you want to show up with a gift, then bring something small, subtle and nice. Ideas for good first date gifts are: one beautiful flower (go to the florist and pick one out – and have them wrap it in nice paper). Other nice small gifts could be a bottle of wine, if she’s a wine drinker, or some specialty dog or cat treats if she has pets. You can be creative but just don’t go overboard. It’s a first date, and you two don’t know each other that well yet.
• Unless you’re sure she’ll want to pay her share of everything, make sure you’ve got enough money to cover any expenses. As your dating relationship continues, she’ll (hopefully) offer to split costs.
• You don’t have to be a cover model for GQ. You do have to make your best effort at wearing something that’s appropriate for the date, and being very clean and well groomed. You don’t necessarily have to go out and buy new clothes, but just make sure you look well put together. Look like yourself, but your best self.
• If you feel like wearing some cologne, just a tiny bit is enough. Don’t take a bath in your cologne. Some people are sensitive to perfumes and colognes and you don’t want to send her into a sneezing, eye-watering fit.
• A sincere interest in getting to know her better. You’re going to win lots of points by making sure you don’t do all the talking and that you’re asking her about herself, her interests and her goals, and then listening intently and learning about her.
• Bring your best manners. Open doors for her and treat her and everyone you run into such as the valet, the waiter, the person at the ticket booth or other drivers with respect.

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There are a few things that you should definitely not bring to a first date.

Among these are expectations of sex, a negative attitude, stories about your exes, a lack of manners, or the habit of answering your cell phone and chatting with your friends when you’re supposed to be paying attention to her.

Making a good first date impression involves balancing your desire to impress with common sense. She’ll find that your efforts to look great and show her respect will far outweigh the value of any huge bouquet that’s unnecessary at this point anyway. Save the roses for your first anniversary.